Coaching

Are You Prepared To Help Your Coaching Clients Accomplish God’s Purposes?

Unfortunately, I’ve had the kind of conversation I’m going to describe below more than once. All of the names and some of the details have been changed to protect the innocent, namely me and my fragile coach’s ego.

“Why does this coaching relationship exist again?” the client asks.

Boom. There it is.

What's your role? — What kind of impact can a coach have on a client’s spiritual life?

For a faith-driven or kingdom-oriented coach, this crossroads presents a special challenge.

When kingdom purposes are a factor in your coaching, you have to make a choice.

The client ALWAYS chooses purpose of the coaching relationship, sets the goal(s), makes plans, and designs the action(s) connected to a coaching outcome. You–the coach–are a partner in that process, listening by default, asking bold questions and drawing out those purposes, goals, plans and actions.

But what role does the coach play in discerning whether the client’s plans line up with what Jesus has in mind?

This is where coaching can take on a bit of a sacred perspective. Jesus was very clear that “…where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:20) What if, as the kingdom-oriented coach, you are ensuring that Jesus is present in the coaching conversation?

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Lots of coaches take this responsibility seriously. I know coaches who take their shoes off when an appointment starts to recognize the holy ground they’re walking on…

This coaching mindset frames what happens in a coaching conversation. Please know that this mindset applies for the kingdom-driven coach regardless of whether the client in a coaching conversation is Christian or not. (Ask me sometime about my Muslim clients.)

There are some key actions you can take with your clients to ensure that you’re lining your coaching up with kingdom purposes. Here are five key coaching strategies for kingdom-driven coaches:

Prayer & discernment with your client. Many Christian coaches pray with their clients during the coaching session. You might consider beginning and ending your coaching conversation with a word of prayer. After an opening prayer, I like to ask “In light of our prayer time a moment ago, what feels most important to you for this session?” This combines the two spiritual disciplines of prayer and discernment and applies them directly to your coaching.
Scripturally-based Principles. Whether you’re working with a client to figure out the purpose of a coaching relationship or evaluating a particular action plan, it’s always good to find an example in the Scripture of the particular behaviors. There are a LOT of parallels and great examples of coachable things. At the very least, your coaching should always line up with Scriptural principles.
Test everything. Ronald Reagan famously said “Trust but verify.” If you’re working to discern whether an action or a plan is aligned with the Spirit’s plans, this is crucial. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians (in a longer section about habits of prayer) to test everything and hold on to what is good! 1 Thessalonians 5:16–22 This is exactly what a kingdom-oriented coach does.
Confirm alignment with life purpose/mission. I have a life purpose. You have one, too. The most effective coaches work to ensure that their clients are only doing things that advance their purpose or mission. If you or your client can’t identify their life purpose, that’s a great place to start a coaching relationship.
Peaceful confirmation. Jesus left his peace with us, his people. He sent the Holy Spirit to help us. That peace is a confirmation that Jesus is with us. John 14:27 That’s the road we want to be on. You can look for the peaceful confirmation of the Spirit in your coaching conversations.

So, are you ready to help your coaching clients focus on their next kingdom-oriented next step? Do you have a strategy or coaching tactic that you like to use? I’d love to hear about it! Please put it in the comments below.

Do You Make This Common Mistake in Coaching?

We’re working through a series of blog posts that define what coaching is. So far, we’ve unpacked that coaching is a relationship and that the coaching client has to show up for every session ready to work with their coach.

In this post, we’ll explore the single most common mistake new coaches make: Coaching without a clear purpose. Yes, coach and client have to come to a coaching conversation ready to work, but work on what?

target on purpose — Great coaches always target what their clients are working toward.

When I was first involved in denominational coaching more than 10 years ago, we missed this point. Coaching, through Natural Church Development, had been introduced to my denomination.

We had immediately seen the power of coaching. The power of the right question at the right time was so crystal clear you couldn’t avoid it. Coaching worked, and the denomination would never be the same.

I remember sitting in a meeting with the other members of coaching leadership team and deciding that coaching had a future for us that was far beyond just Natural Church Development. We decided to explore coaches for church planters (which we called mission developers), turnaround congregations, stewardship & generosity, congregations in conflict and a host of other things.

We even dreamed about what the denomination would be like if every pastor had a coach.

But it didn’t happen. In fact, we didn’t see any measurable growth or any distinguishable difference in the churches or ministries that had coaches. The people being coached consistently said they liked their coach and thought the coaching was helpful, but we couldn’t point to much by way of significant, measurable change.

The common theme through most of these relationships was that after a while, the coaching just seemed to peter out. The energy and enthusiasm for coaching fell by the wayside after a few sessions. One leader even said to us “Why am I being coached again?”

The craziest part of it all was that the leadership team couldn’t really answer that question. We fumbled around and said things like “Because coaching is helpful.” or “because coaches make a difference, at least in NCD…”

We didn’t even know what we didn’t know.

Here’s the lesson in all this: A coaching relationship has a specific, defined purpose that is clearly understood BEFORE the coaching relationship begins.

[Tweet “Coaching relationships have an understood, specific, defined purpose BEFORE the relationship begins.”]

So here’s a key question to ask about all of your coaching relationships: Why does this coaching relationship exist?

X arrow X — This illustrates a coaching relationship.

A simple illustration of what coaching actually is is two Xs connected by an arrow, like the one in this illustration.

Think about the X in the lower left corner as the client’s starting point. The other X is where the client wants to end up.

The arrow shows the path the coaching relatonship will travel over time to help the client end up where they want to be. (Notice it’s not straight, because life doesn’t follow a straight, linear path!)

Generally speaking, the purpose of every coaching relationship is to help the client end up where they want to be. The details of that process get negotiated between coach and client.

You might work with a church planter to develop their launch plan. Or with an executive to develop their time management skills. Or with a mom who wants to start using coupons more effectively to save their family money.

Coaching can be used to effectively help another person (or group of people) accomplish just about anything. Don’t make the common coaching mistake of building a healthy relationship with your clients, only to leave out WHY the relationship is being built.

But what makes a coachable topic? There are really only two rules:
1. The client MUST articulate what they want. That means the coach doesn’t guide the client toward a particular outcome or suggest what the client should do. It’s got to come from the client!
2. The second piece is that the coach has to decide if they can be helpful. If the client is naming their purpose and the coach is confident he/she can help, you are teed up for coaching effectiveness.

Having a big picture focus on where the client wants to end up also frames how each individual session plays out. Reminder: the client must be able to name how each individual session is moving him/her toward the purpose of the relationship. As long as you’re making that kind of progress, the likelihood of an effective coaching relationship is MUCH higher.

What are some of your best strategies for drawing the purpose out of your clients? I’d love to hear about them in the comment section!

Why Some Coaches Almost Always Have Better Coaching Relationships

What makes a coaching conversation really come to life?

Maybe even a better question is: What separates a good coaching relationship from an awesome one?

Two answers jump to mind for this question: 1) either the coach is especially skilled OR 2) there is something about the client that sets up an effective coaching engagement.

Are you coaching on purpose? — What is it about some clients that make their coaching relationships more effective?

I think you know that I’m an advocate for coaches who develop their skills to a high level. Nothing replaces skill development for a coach. The skills are not that difficult to understand, but they require a significant investment of energy to sharpen them to a razor’s edge.

Let’s assume that you’re doing everything you can to develop your skills. You’re going all out. What can a coach do to help their clients get the most out of a coaching relationship?

Client expectations are the foundation of effective coaching relationships. A solid intake process should frame what the client can expect from the coach during your working relationship. But what about what the coach can expect from the client?

In my last post, I talked about a church planter I know that I’ve tried to coach a number of times. He always pushes pause on the coaching because it’s not a two way street. All the knowledge, gifts, experience, passion and other skills that are present in the relationship–both his and mine–are leveraged to help him accomplish his goals. In this case, he’s not comfortable with that. So coaching doesn’t work.

[Tweet “The client must come to every coaching session and coaching relationship ON PURPOSE.”]

This one way leveraging hints at some of the things you can look for in your clients or potential clients.
– The coaching relationship has to have a clear purpose. BUT the client has to be coming to coaching not just with a purpose but also on purpose…we’re there to work.
– There’s nothing wrong with enjoying this and looking for it before you begin. I enjoy my clients–the people I get to work with–but some of that
enjoyment comes from the fact that I know what we do in our coaching
adds value to their lives.
– Be clear about from where that purpose comes. The client has to provide it. No matter how compelling or inspiring I am as a coach, if the client isn’t coming to the conversation to work, coaching won’t be effective.
– As a coach, you help the client stay focused and accountable to that purpose. You should always put some effort into confirming that the client is ready and you help them stay there.

Just to be 100% clear about this: if you have questions about whether the client is bringing this internal purpose to your coaching relationship, you MUST explore those questions. If you’re not completely convinced, it’s probably better to NOT coach that person.

I’m going to say that again. Don’t coach someone if you can’t see their internal commitment to come to your sessions purposefully and completely ready to work.

The client must come to every coaching session and coaching relationship ON PURPOSE.

You might have a smaller coaching load than you want because of this. But you’ll be more effective as a result, and over time your practice will grow.

So how you do find clients that are coming on purpose to be coached?

A great practice is to rely on the idea that The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If a client is motivated to change WITHOUT a coach, imagine how much more motivated they will be WITH a coach! Here are some coaching questions you might ask to get a sense of how a person gets and stays on purpose:
– Ask for stories from their lives that illustrate where they get their motivation.
– Ask for stories about how they stay accountable to finishing what they start.
– Ask for stories about how they handle roadblocks.

What comes to mind for you? How could you get a sense of the purposefulness a client brings into a coaching conversation? I’d love to hear your comments below!

The Secret to Explaining What Coaching Is

You’ve been there. You’re on an airplane, or at a party or meeting someone at a lunch appointment and they ask “What do you do?”

If you’re a coach like I am, this is a particularly awkward moment because what coaches do is difficult to describe.

I’ve been coaching since the late 1990s. I have to admit, it’s been a struggle to come up with a good answer to this seemingly simple question. My wife describes what I do as a coach as “He talks on the phone with people who want to solve problems.” Not bad, but it doesn’t quite get to the essence of what coaching really is.

In CoachNet training events, we talk about coaching as a simple equation Relationship + Purpose + Intention = Coaching. All the key pieces of what coaching actually is and does are there. Over the next few blog posts we’re going to look under the hood of this easy definition of coaching.

Every effective coaching situation starts with a baseline of relationship. Coaches must be able to ask questions that dig beneath the surface.

[Tweet “Coaches must be able to ask questions that dig beneath the surface.”]

A team coaching relationship I have right now is a great example. The team leader and I have a great relationship. He’s one of my best friends and a terrific leader. He brought me in to work with his leadership team and framed the situation by telling the team directly that I wasn’t there to provide guidance or advice, but rather to help the leadership team find their own way. It was a great setup and we’ve dug beneath the surface ever since.

The team leader didn’t say this, but he implied that he trusted me completely and because of that, the team could as well. This allowed me to tailor my questions and dig beneath the surface because the team was ready to go there with me.

This team and I built trust very quickly. We moved to the ideal level of connection for a coaching situation. We got to the stage of relationship without any roadblocks.

Relationship in a coaching situation is different than other relationships. It’s NOT a two-way street. Coaches leverage all of their gifts, knowledge, experience and training for the client’s benefit. The client has a chance to receive and apply all of that insight.

This demands an unique kind of trust in the relationship, and a high level of compatibility.

A church planter I know has tried to engage me as a coach three different times. In each situation, three or four sessions into it, the planter has said “I don’t like this, because you never let me help you.”

He’s right. I don’t.

In coach mode, the relationship is slanted toward the client’s benefit.

And the client has to be ok with that.

If they’re not, it’s probably not an ideal foundation for a coaching relationship.

It’s the relationship that makes deep reflection possible. It’s the relationship that gives the coach permission to ask a hard question and the client to allow the coach to focus on them and what they want to accomplish.

[Tweet “In coach mode, the relationship is slanted toward the client’s benefit.”]

Your coaching presence informs how you show up in your coaching relationships. Learn more here. But there’s another, even simpler way to get a sense of how you are in your coaching relationships: How you are in your relationships is generally how you are when you coach.

Lots of coaches have terrific senses of humor. Some are goofy and some are sarcastic. Those traits show up in coaching all the time. But when you evaluate your coaching relationships, ask yourself this: “Does this trait of mine help the client gain clarity?”

(If you don’t know what your go to behavioral traits are, ask 3–5 friends to tell you what they see you doing consistently. But be prepared for what they tell you! Then, ask yourself how that trait might apply to your coaching!)

How you come across as a coach speaks into what the client gets out of the relationship. Your sense of humor and/or compassion might help your client put together a very specific and aggressive action plan. Or it might make assembling that plan harder for the client. You want to be helpful.

This is hard for a lot of coaches to accept, but it’s true: How you interact with the client has an influence on what they end up accomplishing. Do you know what tendencies of yours bring out the best in other people? (I think this is MUST KNOW INFO for coaches!) How are you leveraging those behaviors in your relationships?

Bottom line in a coaching situation is that the client can do whatever they want on the key issues/action plans they choose to work on. You do have a role of influence in the client’s actions. Use your powers for good.

Even if the client changes their action plan in between sessions. Which is going to happen!

But, as your coach, I do request that you tell me what you’ve done and if you change what we talked about.

We’re in this together. This is a relationship. That’s the core of coaching.

What do you think? How do you know you’ve got the right kind of coaching relationship? What signs do you watch for? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Do You Make This Coaching Mistake?

There’s a question we use in cnLaunch (the first unit in CoachNet’s coach training process) that illustrates the power of an open-ended question. The question is “How can you increase the learning in this situation?”

It’s a solid, open-ended question. It opens up possibilities for the person you’re coaching. You can’t answer this question with a simple, thoughtless answer. You have to work.

But there’s one problem: I’d never say “How can you increase the learning…” Would you?

Not every question works for every coach. This question doesn’t work for me because I just don’t talk that way. “Increasing the learning” just doesn’t flow out of my mouth.

But you know what? I can think of several coaches who not only can say this question 100% naturally, they have used it to great effect!

Here’s what makes the difference: You have to know yourself to the point where you know what you can say and what you can’t.

This doesn’t just apply to question choice or word choice. It runs all the way through your coaching. Maybe think about it like this: You have to understand what you’re bringing into the coaching relationship. Effective coaches understand themselves at a high level. If you don’t, you are cutting the legs out from your coaching effectiveness.

The best coaches bring three things into their coaching relationships. What do you carry into your coaching every time out?

What are your values and how do they inform your coaching? Coaches who have high levels of clarity about their values understand HOW they interact with their clients and what clients can expect from the coaching relationship.

What experience do you have that would be valuable? Effective coaches use their experience to frame questions that dig beneath the surface. That’s the ideal use of experience, but you do have to guard against predicting outcomes or insisting on a particular plan because of your experience. Be especially careful about telling your own stories, unless you have a moment where you re-orient the story to be useful to the client.

What attitudes or beliefs do you have that are helpful? A coach I know believes that coaching is the ideal way to help congregations get unstuck. He carries that into every coaching conversation. It makes him more effective.

What are you good at? What questions flow naturally in your coaching conversations? When are your personal experiences helpful? How can you draw insight and wisdome out of your clients? What are your strengths and gifts? What’s your vision for coaching?

Here’s one final thought: People often just want you to listen. There are seasons in just about every relationship where the person you’re working with just needs a friendly ear. A high commitment to listening is one of the key foundational issues for any coaching relationship. Always listen a little longer than is easily comfortable.

What do you bring into your coaching? How do you ensure that those things are useful to your client? I’d love to hear in the comments.

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Coaching

So, what is YOUR cause?

Let’s talk about getting you focused on the thing(s) that get you up in the morning…or what keeps you up at night!

Let’s talk about getting you focused on the thing(s) that get you up in the morning…
or what keeps you up at night!