Coaching

Who Else Wants to Ask Coaching Questions That Hit Home? (Part 2 of 2)

In the last blog post, we explored a helpful application of why questions for coaches, called the 5 Whys.

The 5 Whys can be a powerful coaching technique that digs beneath a presenting issue or situation and discovers underlying reasons/causes. The 5 Whys are especially effective at discovering cause-and-effect relationships.

The Danger of Why — photo credit: mbshane via photopin cc

But for coaches, ‘why?’ questions open a myriad of challenges. They put us at risk of stopping forward momentum, getting into counseling situations, and getting caught up in details that don’t focus on the “bottom line” of the coaching situation.

An old friend of mine who is a football coach says “The details make you dangerous.” I think that’s true for coaches, especially if we get focused on the wrong details! And that’s exactly the unhelpful risk why questions set us up to take.

The danger of why questions is something that gets covered on the first day of coach training! We need another way forward!

What questions are more effective for coaching. Let’s try to apply What questions to the cause-and-effect structure of the 5 Whys.

The key insight that has to drive this approach is to facilitate learning for the client first, then go after results. This is the gateway to masterful coaching.

Here’s a coaching strategy I use to pair the structure of the 5 Whys with the power of What questions. This strategy really builds on the trust and intimacy you have with a client.

In my coaching practice, this strategy has been most effective when I have some history with the client (6 or more sessions), but it can be used in the first few sessions of a coaching relationship as well.

Start by asking the client to pick an emotional challenge or moment that has happened recently. Invite the client to go back to the moment and remember what the thoughts, feelings and emotions they were having at that time.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure the client can feel the emotion of the moment. The emotions of the moment provide the roadmap to deeper awareness.

Once the client has this moment in mind, start with the 7 Whats. These questions are strategically ordered to start with the issue, go beneath the surface, identify the cause of the emotion and then explore actions the client might be able to take to address the issue.

Let’s look at the 7 Whats. With the emotion in mind, ask these questions:

1. What’s causing the emotion? This question invites the client to start from a deeper place than just feeling the emotion.

2. What is positive about it? Negative? Now the client is evaluating the impact of the emotion. This question adds context.

3. What’s behind that reaction? With a little context, the client can then look a little more deeply at what is actually going on. Faith-driven coaches may stop for a moment of clarifying prayer with this question.

4. What’s at the root of your reaction/situation? Now we’re at the real cause. You may need to repeat questions 1–4 a couple times to really get at the root.

5. What does that tell you about yourself? We’ve gone now into facilitating learning. The client has a chance to make assessments about themselves and to embrace the things they are realizing about themselves. NEVER insist that a client realize a particular thing about themselves or embrace an opinion of yours.

6. What action(s) can you take to grow? What can you do to make this growth a habit? Question 6 is where the hard work begins. You are inviting the client to not only talk about the root issue, but also to name the change they want to make and to lay out a plan for bringing it to life.

7. What can you do to stay accountable and on track with this change? The key here is to help the client find their own accountability plan and to not build dependence on the coach.

A simple question structure like this will help you go deeper with each client AND to draw out of the client action steps that they are willing to take to make a change that will last.

When you repeat a process like this with a client, you can move into a coached prevention mode. With a few repetitions, clients will anticipate the line of questioning and begin to diagnose key issues on-the-fly and in-the-moment. You’ll start farther into the process and your coaching will become more effective!

What strategies do you use to dig beneath the surface in coaching?

Who Else Wants to Ask Coaching Questions That Hit Home? (Part 1 of 2)

At a coaching conference a few years ago, I agreed to be coached in a public demo by a very well known coach and author. My mind was clear on what we were going to talk about and I was really looking forward to the experience.

The coach didn’t do much in the demo, other than ask me why questions–which is a practice that often leaves the coach in me cold. (My coaching bias is against coaching questions that start with why because they force the client to look backwards instead of guiding the action forward.)

Over the ten or 15 minutes of the demo, this well known coach got me to look at an issue I was facing from about 5 different sides.

He was quiet and focused on drilling deeper into the issue, and encouraged me to look under the surface with every “Why?”.

photo credit: patrick wilken via photopin cc

Before too long, I had come to a realization about what was really going on with me. Then he shifted into action mode, and we made a plan for how I woul address the issue.

In the group debrief, this coach unpacked that he was using a specific coaching technique called The 5 Whys. I was shocked.

Not only was this high profile coach using why questions…on purpose…but it worked!

I thought to myself “There is NO WAY I’m ready to ask Why questions in my coaching the way he did. NO WAY. I can never make them work.”

But I was missing his key strategy: he never let me lapse back into talking about my childhood or some kind of baggage I was bringing into the coaching. He only let me explore connections between things that were happening NOW.

It was all cause-and-effect. And root causes are powerful. Finding and addressing the root cause of a particular situation or instance is probably the thing that coaching does best.

But you can’t address a root cause if you don’t know what it is. So how do you identify what’s really going on?

The 5 Whys is a great coaching strategy. Researching The 5 Whys uncovers roots in the Toyota Motor Company’s Continuous Improvement Culture and the start up world. But the lessons apply to all of us.

Take any key issue, for example a church who’s late service always starts 2–5 minutes late. Names and details have been omitted/changed to protect the innocent, but this is a real coaching issue from my practice a few years ago.

Start with why questions, looking for cause and effect.

Issue: Worship starts 2–5 minutes late every week.
– 1st Why: Attendees come into the worship area slowly.
– 2nd Why: They are in conversation in the outer area.
– 3rd Why: Groups get congested in the coffee area and people bump into their friends.
– 4th Why: The coffee area is too crowded, because the urns are in a corner and there is additional furniture taking up useful space.
– 5th Why: The orginal thinking was that people might sit down and have a conversation, but no one does.

So this series of Whys has gotten to the root issue that the sitting area is not being used for it’s intended purpose. And that issue had NOTHING to do with anything going on in worship.

The cause-and-effect exploration got beneath the obvious issues, and nailed what was actually going on.

Here’s a great video from Eric Ries (author of The Lean Start Up about the process behind the 5 whys. It’s a little more process or product development oriented than the coaching that CoachNet-trained coaches do, but I think you’ll see how digging beneath the surface can be very powerful.

So how do you dig beneath the surface to the key issue in your coaching? I’d love it if you shared your knowledge in the comments.

Tomorrow on the blog, I’ll walk you through a twist on the 5 Whys that takes you down a different path to explore the cause-and-effect of presenting issues and key issues.

How to Gain Confidence in Your Coaching and Get More Coaching Relationships–Do you need a personal brand?

At a recent conference, a notable–and high profile–Christian leader was heard to comment that he would have to evaluate whether a particular idea would work with the “brand this denomination is trying to create.”

When you listen to any post-game press conference, it doesn’t take long for an athlete to connect their performance on the field to “brand I’m trying to build…”

Is it really about branding for Christian coaches? Not at the beginning!

No matter where you look branding is the hot topic of conversation. Here’s a recent blog post that offered 30 different definitions of the concept of branding.

How do you sort through all that? And what about a brand for coaches? How important is that, especially if you want to make a Kingdom impact with your coaching?

If you’re serious about a kingdom impact, I want to suggest it’s really about identity. Not just any identity…specifically your Christ-given identity.

We all take our identity from different places. I’m a little different guy when I’m a volleyball dad (my daughter plays 7th grade volleyball) than when I’m coaching or working with the FiveTwo Network.

That’s ok, I think, because the core of who Jesus made me to be doesn’t change. It just gets applied a little differently. To my eyes, this is the essence of a personal brand.

And that’s the key: How does your kingdom identity get applied in your various life situations?

How about a new definition of brand: Your brand is how you live from and clearly communicate who Jesus made you to be, so that your relationships and your results are built on a firm foundation.

[Tweet “If you’re serious about a kingdom impact, it’s really about identity not brand.”]

This is the house built on rock from Matthew 7:24–27

When you’re clear on your Christ-given identity, you can withstand anything. It won’t always be easy, but you’ll stand. You internalize who Jesus made you to be, and you stand strong and tall.

Isn’t that how you want to show up in your coaching relationships?

For coaches, how you are in your relationships is how you will be in your coaching. You need that firm foundation to be a representation of Jesus in the place where most coaches have the most influence–your coaching relationships!

Here’s one of the key distinctives about coaching with Kingdom impact in mind: everything you do as a coach points to Jesus. Yes, you facilitate learning and growth with your clients, but even more important is the fact that you might be the only person your client encounters who points to Jesus.

Take that seriously.

It’s the ultimate measure of your coaching effectiveness.

Oswald Chambers wrote:

If we believe in Jesus, it is not what we gain but what He pours through us that really counts.

That sounds like coaching to me.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t put effort and energy into determining a professional brand for your coaching, but if your brand doesn’t match your Christ-given identity, something is not right.

That needs your attention RIGHT NOW.

Brand has to start with identity. What’s yours? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

How to Help Your Coaching Conversations Stay Focused in 2 Minutes Or Less

The most awkward moment I face in my coaching conversations looks like this: We’ll call my client Danny (not his real name). Danny has come to a serious moment of learning or self-realization. The lightbulb has gone off multiple times.

Then I have to drop the bomb. I get to ask Danny “How does this connect to the purpose of our coaching relationship?”

How's Your Coaching Focus? — photo credit: Daveography.ca via photopin cc

My stomach tightens up every time I ask a question like this. My nerves become a jumble. There is no guarantee that the client will actually be able to connect what they’re learning with why we’re talking.

And when they can’t…it is AWKWARD.

Asking a client to move away from the insights their having and back to why they have a coach in the first place is never any fun…in the moment.

[Tweet “Focused coaching connects small life changes with accomplishing big goals.”]

But this motion is what makes the difference between a tightly focused coaching relationship and one that falls short of expectation.

This blog focuses on making you a better coach. We want to explore mindsets, strategies and in-the-moment skills that help you serve your clients as effectively as possible.

Managing the tension between the realizations the client is having and why the coaching relationship exists is one of the coach’s harder tasks.

Here’s what we know:

– We’ve established that coaching is a relationship.
– The client has to come ready to work.
– There needs to be a crystal clear purpose for a coaching relationship.
– The coach has to be prepared to help clients accomplish God’s purposes.
– And most recently, how to measure effectiveness.

The last big topic is the matter of focus. Let’s hone in from both the client’s perspective and the coach’s.

Focus in coaching relationships lives in the connection between small life changes and accomplishing the client’s goals. Think about as Big Picture v. Small Picture.
– Big picture can be described change toward the client’s (and God’s) purpose.
– Small picture is how the client is living differently every day.

The enemy of focus in coaching is a disconnection between small life change and big picture accomplishments or progress. When one doesn’t set up the other, the relationship gets scattered.

[Tweet “The enemy of focus in coaching is a disconnected life change and big picture progress.”]

This idea even helps the client who is all over the place. Some of my coaching clients only have a conceptual relationship with focus. I bet you can relate. Helping a client connect what they’re working on or changing in their lives (small picture) and what they really want to accomplish (big picture) is often all the nudging needed to move them forward.

Managing this tension on-the-fly in coaching is a key step to masterful coaching.

Sometimes you have to bottom line your client and ask “What connection do you see between the learning moment you just had and what we’re here to accomplish?” I have to admit, I don’t see the connection every time.

But as long as the client sees the connection and wants to pursue it, it’s a viable coaching topic. The coach has to be aware of the tension, but the client has to actually and accurately make the connections come to life.

How do you do it? How do you keep your clients on focus and en route to their goals?

The Wrong Way And The Right Way To Measure Coaching Effectiveness

There’s a whole school of thought built around how to measure effectiveness in coaching relationships. It’s called evidence-based coaching. Google it sometime.

The popular definition of evidence-based coaching is a method to ““…describe executive, personal and life coaching that goes beyond adaptations of the popular self-help or personal development genre, is purposefully grounded in the behavioural and social sciences and is unequivocally based on up-to-date scientific knowledge” (Grant, 2005)[1].

Magnifying Glass — Sometimes the only facts you have is what’s changing.

While evidence-based coaching is an emerging approach, the most common temptations for coaches is to measure their effectiveness on either 1) whether the coach uses solid coaching technique throughout the relationship or 2) whether the client is pleased with the outcomes of the coaching conversations.

Unfortunately, neither approach tells the entire story.

Coaching is a relationship that is built on a commitment to work on challenges of the client’s choosing. It might be based on problem solving or acquiring new skills. Bottom line: If nothing is changing, it’s not coaching. Or at least not effective coaching.

[Tweet “Bottom line: If nothing is changing, it’s not coaching. “]

Think about your coaching relationships and focus on the ones that have caused the most change toward the client’s purposes. What was the relationship between coach and client like?

Effective coaching relationships only have one or two common themes: there is high trust between coach and client and the client sees change in their life or outcomes. Ideally, there is both.

We’ve covered the need for building trust on this blog in multiple places Like here. And here. And here.

But what about facilitating change? Effective coaches think strategically about how they will function to facilitate change in the client. Ideally, this change was pre-determined by the coaching agreement.

Coaches adapt their approach to what the client needs to move toward their purpose, goals and plans. The key outcome is that the client must name their purpose or plan themselves, and not have it supplied by the coach.

Effective coaches do whatever it takes–inside of effective coaching practices–to help the client actually say the words that describe what they’re after. Typically this happens multiple times in a coaching conversation, starting with the intake process.

Coaches then spend time and energy working to confirm progress toward that outcome. This is what it means to work with a coaching agreement. (The Coaching Agreement is one of the International Coach Federation’s Core Competencies for coaching.)

But what if the coaching relationship uncovers a growth area that seems outside of the coaching agreement?

Then the coach must focus on the core competency of Creating Awareness. The ICF defines Creating Awareness as the “ability to integrate and accurately evaluate multiple sources of information and to make interpretations that help the client to gain awareness and thereby achieve agreed-upon results.”

In this situation, you’ve got a great opportunity help the client shift their perspective, and that is the core of masterful coaching. Once the client is fully zoned in on the new insight, questions can then explore the possibility of change in client’s situation.

Masterful work with creating awareness combined with the potential for change may lead to a re-negotiation of the coaching agreement.

[Tweet “Change is the core of effective coaching. If things aren’t changing, you’re not coaching.”]

What do you think? What do you do to help your client’s change? How do you measure your effectiveness in coaching? I’d love to hear your comments!

(Grant, A. M. (2005). What is Evidence-Based Executive, Workplace and Life Coaching? [References] Evidence-based coaching, Vol 1: Theory, research and practice from the behavioural sciences (pp. 1–12). Bowen Hills, QLD, Australia: Australian Academic Press; Australia.) ↩

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Coaching

So, what is YOUR cause?

Let’s talk about getting you focused on the thing(s) that get you up in the morning…or what keeps you up at night!

Let’s talk about getting you focused on the thing(s) that get you up in the morning…
or what keeps you up at night!