Jonathan Reitz, MCC

Coaching Causes, Not Symptoms

Thought Exchange: The Blog of Jonathan Reitz

How Intentional Relationships Fit Together

Over the last few weeks, we’ve looked at all four of the main intentional relationships now. There’s coaching, consulting, mentoring, and counseling. But how do they work together?

Missing Piece
]1 Why is there always one piece missing?
Think of the four as puzzle pieces that fit together to grow disciples…and which approach you use depends on where the other person is and what they need.

Remember that through it all our goal is to facilitate change in the person were coaching. So that’s our end goal, and how we measure whether we’re effective. All of the tools in our toolkit are available for that purpose.

With that in mind, it’s imperative to remember that coaching needs to be your default.  By design, you always want to listen first, ask bold questions, and draw out action steps from the people you’re talking with. That’s what a coach does.

But the other intentional relationships absolutely do have a role to play. Sometimes you’ll find your clients stuck, or not able to brainstorm a new solution, or maybe you just won’t have the right question that gets them moving forward again. I want to suggest that it’s healthy to admit that there are times when stepping out of coaching–just for a moment–can add energy back into your relationship and get your client moving forward again.

And this is the key: it’s got to be about the clients. You don’t step out of coaching just because you have something valuable to add.  The best coaches only do that when the client is stuck–it has to be about them.  I know a coach that will only step out of the coaching role when his client asks him–he NEVER offers. Only upon request. That might be a rule of thumb that would work for you.

And even if you do step out of coaching role, always always always have a strategy for how to get back there.  Here’s the one I use: I watch for a breakthrough. As soon as the lightbulb turns on, I revert back to coaching in that I begin to draw out application. Think about that: breakthrough then application.  It’s all about what’s going on in the life, ministry and work of the person being coached.  

Give yourself permission to occasionally mentor (to teach a skill that you have) but then get back to coaching. Or give yourself permission to counsel to help them deal with the emotion that’s come up. But then get back to coaching. You can even occasionally consult, as long as you* get back to coaching.*  As always, coaching needs to be your default..

Coaching vs. Consulting

You know the old joke:  a consultant is someone who lives more than 50 miles away, says exactly what you would say, and is paid big bucks.  There’s actually a little more to it, but I think you get the idea.  As we walk through the 4 main types of intentional relationships, it’s time to shine the spotlight on consultants.

Let’s start at the roadmap:  Relationship + Intention + (a variable Idea) =  (a type of intentional relationship).    In this case, the type of relationship is Consulting.  The distinctive component that sets the relationship as Counsulting–the moving part–is Assessment.  

whiteboard
Notice how the consultant is always saying really important, insightful, deep things.
Here’s what I mean by assessment: gathering some information that tells you exactly where you are.  It could be a lot of things, like a tool or actual assessment like the Myers-Briggs.  Or it could be a series of opinions, from the coach or from people otherwise involved in the situation.  Data of some kind is what were after, meaning something that adds detail to the particular situation where the person is. Any kind of data input that is solid, helpful, and that deepens the relationship is okay to use.    This is why consultants love white boards so much…they’re a great place to record all the “You are here” data and information!

If you think about it, this is what consultants do. They come in they give an opinion or assessment and then they go away. Implementation happens afterwards, outside of the consulting relationship.  And once, you move past the moment of assessment, a coach would do well to move back to drawing out action plans by listening and asking powerful questions.

[]: https://jonathanreitz.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/consultant.jpg

Coaching vs. Counseling

We’re walking through the four main kinds of intentional relationships:  coaching, mentoring, counseling and consulting.  In this post we’re going to look at counseling.  

The basic equation goes like this:  Relationship + Intention + (a variable Idea) = (a type of intentional relationship).    In this case, the type of relationship is Counseling.  The distinctive component that sets the relationship as Counseling–the moving part–in this case is Introspection.

Hard conversation
Hard conversations go better with coffee.
Counseling as an intentional relationship is distinctive because the key skills (listening, bold questions, and action steps) are all focused on the internal processing by the client.  It could be dealing with life issues, a work situation, or wrestling with whether a person is capable of accomplishing what God is putting in front of them.    

On the most basic level, coaching is about accomplishing a task/outcome or working on character development.  There has to be a healthy focus on the future.  Counseling–at it’s most basic level–looks back at what’s already happened, and develops strategies for coping in the present moment.

In a CoachNet training event a few years ago, one participant described a working relationship between coaching and counseling like this:  “The Counseling-Coaching Continuum is a fluid line of client development from healing to growing.” 

If this is true, coaching and counseling together have a much higher ceiling than either one does on their own.   Think of a continuum from -10 to +10 with a balance point.  Once the client is through the healing phase, the client can attend to purpose and potential.  

That’s a pretty solid continuum:  from healing to growing.

So how does coaching work together with counseling in your work?

Coaching vs. Mentoring

In the last blog post, we explored the need for intention in a coaching relationship. Yes, you have to have a relationship first. And yes, both of you have to intentionally choose to use at least a portion of your relational time for coaching.

But it’s really a third part of the equation that makes the real difference. In a coaching relationship, adding purpose into the conversation is what gives your coaching relationships depth and integrity. You can have as solid a relationship as you can imagine plus a high commitment to being intentional, but **without a purpose (knowing exactly WHAT you want to accomplish), the coaching relationship is at risk of going nowhere. **

Remember this simple equation from a previous post:  *Relationship + intention + purpose = coaching. *

Statue of Liberty
]1 Is there where you’re going?
Think about purpose like the destination for a trip you’re planning. You know where you are when you start, but do you really know where you’re going to end up, specifically? A family vacation might head for the Grand Canyon or the Statue of Liberty… That’s pretty clear, and easy to get your mind around. And that’s exactly the kind of clarity of purpose a coaching relationship needs.

But not all coaching relationships have that clear destination in mind–especially before starting. The most effective coaches say to their client “we are going to get to where you want to go together.” That’s purpose. There’s no conversation about route–at least not at the beginning–there’s only a commitment to get where the client wants to go together.

Now how about this related equation:  Relationship + intention + _______= mentoring?

A mentor relationship comes at the process with different goals.

Arrow
]2 Which way is this relationship going?
Reproducing skills that the mentor already has in the person being mentored is what a mentor relationship is about. A mentor might even say, “here’s where you’re going to end up when you have the skills that I have.”

In fact, most times the person being mentored doesn’t choose the destination, the route to get there, or how the relationship plays out. All of those cards are in hand of the mentor.

So let’s finish the equation like this:  relationship + intention + replication=mentoring.

There’s something useful in a line that’s been said by more than one coach trainer: “the coach draws out while a mentor pours in.”

Finally, a mentor is not any better than a coach Nor is a coach any better than a mentor. The trick is knowing when to do which one. More on this as this series of blog posts continues.

So, what is YOUR cause?

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or what keeps you up at night!

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