Archives for May 2013

The Question Every Effective Coach Should Ask…Before Every Session

In advanced coach training, one of the most enjoyable sections is the case study approach that unpacks how particular coaches handle a challenging coaching situation. The details are different every time, but what’s really fascinating is that every coach approaches these case studies differently. Some are strategic and focus on the big picture. Some are tactical and drive their questions toward specific next steps. Others focus on asking the right question or wonder aloud about the relational impact of working together over time. Every coach has their own approach, and the approaches are as different as the coaches themselves.

But there is one key question that every coach MUST ask as they prepare for a coaching session: “What can I do in this session to serve this client in the way they need most?” A coaching relationship exists so that the coach can help the client systematically address their key issues, but with an eye toward the reality that the client knows the key issues better than the coach. No matter what you think you know, the client absolutely knows what’s what better than you do. That’s where the question comes it.

What would it look like for you to really roll your sleeves up and get to work with your clients?

Answering this question scares a lot of coaches. The answer might mean adapting your coaching style to fit the client. Or it might mean asking the client how the coaching relationship is going. Or even kicking your commitment to listening up to a new level. Bottom line, when you ask yourself about serving your client the way they need to be served, you are committing to make it about them and not about you. And you have a chance to roll your sleeves up and commit to serving the client. Will you?

Coaching at highest level is always about the client—their situation, the underlying challenges of their situation, their personality, their growth, and most of all, the client’s results. Coaching is about drawing the best out the client at every turn, and that’s not about you, the coach.

What other questions do you ask yourself in preparation for your coaching sessions? What must-ask-yourself question would you suggest that other coaches use? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

An Easy Way to Coach Culture

Culture Defined — What is culture, really?

My friend Bill Woolsey (or follow him on Twitter) uses a great definition of the kind of culture that really makes a difference. Bill’s working definition is that culture is “values observed in language and behavior”. That’s it. Pretty simple to say, but not nearly as easy to actually accomplish.

Let’s break this statement down, and then take a look at how an effective coach could use each of these pieces..

Values observed: This is one of those sneaky statements, because it assumes clarity of values. Not only are the values present, but people engaged in the culture actually know what they are and universally understand them. That’s a big assumption, that may require significant effort. Do you know what your church’s values are? Your job? Even your family? Value alignment is an uphill battle, that you probably can’t revisit it too often. It takes repetition—often a LOT of repetition—to gain high levels of clarity on values. Have I mentioned that it takes repetition?

Observed in language: The words that get said in a culture are the thing(s) that frame where the culture is going. What are you talking about? The topics of conversation that a culture consistently grabs onto are the ideas that not only frame where the culture is, but also where it’s going. Think about a church that constantly talks about the way things used to be…that’s a church that has lost all forward momentum, and is hearkening back to the way things used to be or The Good Old Days. Or think about how word-of-mouth impacts what movies you see, what TV shows you watch or even how you spend your weekend. The things you talk about indicate what’s a priority for you.

Observed in behavior: But, bottom line is what you do shows the highest level of ownership you can offer. We’ve all been a part of a team (or coached a team) that wanted to talk about what was important, but never actually do anything. Nothing destroys forward momentum quicker than long conversations that don’t lead to action.

So how could a coach use these three pieces to help coach toward culture? Each section of this statement builds on a different part of the coaching process. Values observed is all about listening, either with your ears or one of the other senses. As a coach, how could you help a client become attuned to where those values are actually observable? What questions could you ask that would build clarity about the organization’s or church’s values? A tremendously powerful coaching question about this is “How easy is it for people to find a written copy of your values?” You can follow this up with “Where do you see this coming to life?”

The language a coach uses also will inform culture. If this definition of culture is adopted, regular check ins about language are a must. Coaches could ask “What language are we hearing regularly? How does this help/hurt what we value?” Powerful follow up questions center on what language do we need more of, and what should be taken out of the organizational lexicon.

Behavior follows a similar standard. “What behaviors are bringing our values to life?” is a great conversation starter for evaluating what’s actually happening in an organization. The converse is also true: “What behaviors are we seeing that are getting in the way of our values?” or “What behaviors are contradictory to our values?” Coaches may need channels beyond the direct input to hear about what behaviors are actually going on. You may need to develop accountabilty channels beyond the traditional ones.

How do you measure culture? How do you inventory whether you are actually living out the culture you think you have? If you’ve got a coaching strategy that would be helpful for others, I’d love to hear it in the comments!

Are you in motion?

Early this morning, Mike Slaughter @RevMSlaughter pastor of Ginghamsburg Church neard Dayton, Ohio tweeted this:

“God can’t steer parked car; r u willing to take ur live out of park & shift them into drive?

Get moving...toward something! Look forward not back. — Get moving…toward something! Look forward not back.

It’s a great thought, especially for coaches who are working with a client who seems to be stuck. Change—even God-inspired change—is most likely to happen when someone who is already in motion allows themselves to be re-directed. Think about how much easier it is to turn a corner with a small amount of turning the wheel of your car when you’re going 35 than it is when you’re going 15 miles per hour. Or in the Scriptures, think about Paul wanted to head north on his second missionary journey only to be re-directed twice before the Macedonian man called to him in a dream.

Motion leads to change, or at least sets the stage for change. This can be a great strategy for coaching. How can you as a coach get your client started doing something so that they can be re-directed toward what they really want? Once you get your client moving, you and ask focusing questions like:
* “How is this taking your toward your goal(s)?”
* “Do you see yourself making progress in the big picture?”, or
* “Is this taking your where you want to go? How do you know?”

If the answer is affirmative to these questions, you’re set. If not, you can always follow up with “What would help yo make progress toward your goal/calling?”

Got a strategy for how you get your clients moving? I’d love to hear it in the comments! Please add your voice to the conversation.

How to Connect the Client’s Story to Better Coaching

Stories are everywhere. — This is the key to storytelling…a beginning, a middle, and an end. Coaching is a lot the same

Some clients can get right to the point. Other clients will never use 100 words when 10,000 will do. The challenge for the coach is to maintain a high level of relationship and to stick to coaching fundamentals, regardless of the client’s preferred communication style.

One way to focus on serving your client is to build your coaching conversations around the client’s story(s). Every compelling story has a beginning, a middle and an end. In each section of the story, something happens. In the beginning of each story, you meet the characters and gain understanding of the situation you’re there to address. This might be the initiation of the overall coaching relationship, or the beginning of each coaching conversation.

In the middle of the story, conflict or tension grows. You and your client might be getting to deeper understanding of the root of the issue, or the client might actually be able to talk about it with you because you’ve built enough trust. There could even be unexpected surprises along the way.

At the end of the story arc, resolution comes. The tension/conflict is taken care of, and the client is clearly able to point at what is different because of the coaching you’ve done. Whether there is a happy ending is not as important as whether the client feels like there has been the right kind of progress. In this case, resolution=progress=success. And, it’s always evaluated through the client’s lens.

The most effective coaches tailor each coaching conversation to where the client sees themselves in the larger story—the beginning, the middle or the end. Are you at the beginning? Ask the client what you might need to know to effectively coach them? Are you seeing signs of developing conflict (the middle of the storyline)? Ask what is causing the conflict and explore potential solutions. Nearing resolution? Ask the client what would multiply the impact of the results they’re anticipating.

Here’s a key: at each stage of the story, the coach has an opportunity to ask the client about things that are not easy to see. You can dig deeper, and get at the core of the issue—whatever that issue actually is—and help the client develop long term results, and not just band aids for whatever presenting symptoms happen to be in front of them.

Question for you: How can you take the time to listen to your client’s story? What are you listening for? What’s your best strategy to dig beneath the surface of what you’re working on with you client(s)? Please put your thoughts in the comments!

Archives for May 2013

So, what is YOUR cause?

Let’s talk about getting you focused on the thing(s) that get you up in the morning…or what keeps you up at night!

Let’s talk about getting you focused on the thing(s) that get you up in the morning…
or what keeps you up at night!