Jonathan Reitz, MCC

Coaching Causes, Not Symptoms

Archives for February 2013

How to Coach for Progress that Makes a Difference

Too many coaching relationships brainstorm action steps that seem good at time…but in the bigger picture, don’t really take the person being coached anywhere close to what they’re trying to accomplish.

When coaching a client toward outcomes, there are two different kinds of progress worth drawing out:

Learable change
]1 You know, book learnin’.

Learnable progress:  measured by what a client learns during the course of pursuing a new goal.  This might be research, new skills, insight learning, or other meaningful knowledge that’s acquired during the course of pursuing a particular goal.  This also can include character-development and other internal growth components.   The core component is that this new information must change the client’s thinking on one or more levels.

Observable change
]2 Change that you see…and believe in!
Observable progress:  By setting the right goals and choosing the right action steps, measuring progress should be clearly visible to the naked eye.  Observation is the core of any good change system.   Effective coaches help mark starting points and note when the scenery around their clients change because they’re moving forward.

It’s crucial to note while both kinds of progress are just that, progress.  For the coaching you do to be it’s most effective, there has to be progress toward something.  Vision–the bigger picture–has to drive.  If your clients can describe how what they’re learning in your coaching relationship is pushing them toward their vision, that’s helpful progress.  Observable progress toward your vision is helpful as well.

3 Rules for Relational Integrity in Coaching

Old phone
Is this the party to whom I’m speaking?

“What I just heard you say is that however you are acting or feeling in real life, you bring those actions into your coaching relationships.”

Wow.  I really couldn’t hide.  I had to be me.

Now, why that scared me is another topic for another post, but it absolutely taught me something.  If coaching effectiveness really does rise and fall with the strength of the relationship between coach and client, the same challenges you face in every relationship will show up in your coaching.

If you’re generous and charitable, chances are that’s how you’ll be as a coach. If you’re quick to judge or leap to a conclusion, that is most likely going to show up in your coaching relationships. It’s a hard reality to admit that both character strengths and character gaps show up–even when you are operating in your coaching wheelhouse!

Launching a coaching relationship well can minimize both the unrealistic high points and disturbing low points that come any time two people are in a relationship. Being proactive about what you bring to the conversation–positive and negative–goes a long way toward ensuring that your relational integrity stays intact.

Here are three things to pay attention to as you launch, so that who you are becomes your biggest personal asset in your coaching.

1) Make sure that both people in the coaching relationship fully opt in. This can look like any number of things, from actually asking “hey do you want this coaching relationship to happen?” all the way to checking in with your client throughout your relationship to ensure that they are still fully bought in. Like a buy-in-or a loss of buy-in-is one of the single most common things that sidetracks coaching relationships. There’s a great rule of thumb: if you have any doubt at all, ask about it. Don’t leave this to chance.

2) When challenges come up (and they will), settle disagreements well. Talk through challenges. Use Matthew 18. Be sure to ask the other person what’s going on, and listen closely to what they say. Above all, if the fault is yours on it. Be sure to take advantage of the opportunity that your relationship gives you to apologize, if it’s needed. Nothing renews the energy and vigor in a coaching relationship faster than settling a disagreement thoroughly and well.

3) Agree on the intentionality of your relationship. This is not a relationship where you’re hanging out, or enjoy each others company, although you will probably do some of that during your coaching time. This is a relationship that is designed to facilitate some kind of change. That only happens if your intentional about what you’re trying to accomplish. As you’re nailing down you the exact intention that you need, remember ideas #1 and #2 are likely to come up. You may have to check on buy in, and you may have to sell a disagreement or two–even in the early stages of your relationship as you get going.

By watching these three areas closely you can launch and maintain coaching relationships being exactly who you are. It not only establishes relational integrity but it allows for relational authenticity. The combination of integrity and authenticity will make any relationship stronger.

How Intentional Relationships Fit Together

Over the last few weeks, we’ve looked at all four of the main intentional relationships now. There’s coaching, consulting, mentoring, and counseling. But how do they work together?

Missing Piece
]1 Why is there always one piece missing?
Think of the four as puzzle pieces that fit together to grow disciples…and which approach you use depends on where the other person is and what they need.

Remember that through it all our goal is to facilitate change in the person were coaching. So that’s our end goal, and how we measure whether we’re effective. All of the tools in our toolkit are available for that purpose.

With that in mind, it’s imperative to remember that coaching needs to be your default.  By design, you always want to listen first, ask bold questions, and draw out action steps from the people you’re talking with. That’s what a coach does.

But the other intentional relationships absolutely do have a role to play. Sometimes you’ll find your clients stuck, or not able to brainstorm a new solution, or maybe you just won’t have the right question that gets them moving forward again. I want to suggest that it’s healthy to admit that there are times when stepping out of coaching–just for a moment–can add energy back into your relationship and get your client moving forward again.

And this is the key: it’s got to be about the clients. You don’t step out of coaching just because you have something valuable to add.  The best coaches only do that when the client is stuck–it has to be about them.  I know a coach that will only step out of the coaching role when his client asks him–he NEVER offers. Only upon request. That might be a rule of thumb that would work for you.

And even if you do step out of coaching role, always always always have a strategy for how to get back there.  Here’s the one I use: I watch for a breakthrough. As soon as the lightbulb turns on, I revert back to coaching in that I begin to draw out application. Think about that: breakthrough then application.  It’s all about what’s going on in the life, ministry and work of the person being coached.  

Give yourself permission to occasionally mentor (to teach a skill that you have) but then get back to coaching. Or give yourself permission to counsel to help them deal with the emotion that’s come up. But then get back to coaching. You can even occasionally consult, as long as you* get back to coaching.*  As always, coaching needs to be your default..

Coaching vs. Consulting

You know the old joke:  a consultant is someone who lives more than 50 miles away, says exactly what you would say, and is paid big bucks.  There’s actually a little more to it, but I think you get the idea.  As we walk through the 4 main types of intentional relationships, it’s time to shine the spotlight on consultants.

Let’s start at the roadmap:  Relationship + Intention + (a variable Idea) =  (a type of intentional relationship).    In this case, the type of relationship is Consulting.  The distinctive component that sets the relationship as Counsulting–the moving part–is Assessment.  

whiteboard
Notice how the consultant is always saying really important, insightful, deep things.
Here’s what I mean by assessment: gathering some information that tells you exactly where you are.  It could be a lot of things, like a tool or actual assessment like the Myers-Briggs.  Or it could be a series of opinions, from the coach or from people otherwise involved in the situation.  Data of some kind is what were after, meaning something that adds detail to the particular situation where the person is. Any kind of data input that is solid, helpful, and that deepens the relationship is okay to use.    This is why consultants love white boards so much…they’re a great place to record all the “You are here” data and information!

If you think about it, this is what consultants do. They come in they give an opinion or assessment and then they go away. Implementation happens afterwards, outside of the consulting relationship.  And once, you move past the moment of assessment, a coach would do well to move back to drawing out action plans by listening and asking powerful questions.

[]: https://jonathanreitz.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/consultant.jpg

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