Archives for January 2013

We’re walking through the four main kinds of intentional relationships:  coaching, mentoring, counseling and consulting.  In this post we’re going to look at counseling.  

The basic equation goes like this:  Relationship + Intention + (a variable Idea) = (a type of intentional relationship).    In this case, the type of relationship is Counseling.  The distinctive component that sets the relationship as Counseling–the moving part–in this case is Introspection.

Counseling as an intentional relationship is distinctive because the key skills (listening, bold questions, and action steps) are all focused on the internal processing by the client.  It could be dealing with life issues, a work situation, or wrestling with whether a person is capable of accomplishing what God is putting in front of them.    

On the most basic level, coaching is about accomplishing a task/outcome or working on character development.  There has to be a healthy focus on the future.  Counseling–at it’s most basic level–looks back at what’s already happened, and develops strategies for coping in the present moment.

In a CoachNet training event a few years ago, one participant described a working relationship between coaching and counseling like this:  “The Counseling-Coaching Continuum is a fluid line of client development from healing to growing.” 

If this is true, coaching and counseling together have a much higher ceiling than either one does on their own.   Think of a continuum from -10 to +10 with a balance point.  Once the client is through the healing phase, the client can attend to purpose and potential.  

That’s a pretty solid continuum:  from healing to growing.

So how does coaching work together with counseling in your work?

In the last blog post, we explored the need for intention in a coaching relationship. Yes, you have to have a relationship first. And yes, both of you have to intentionally choose to use at least a portion of your relational time for coaching.

But it’s really a third part of the equation that makes the real difference. In a coaching relationship, adding purpose into the conversation is what gives your coaching relationships depth and integrity. You can have as solid a relationship as you can imagine plus a high commitment to being intentional, but **without a purpose (knowing exactly WHAT you want to accomplish), the coaching relationship is at risk of going nowhere. **

Remember this simple equation from a previous post:  *Relationship + intention + purpose = coaching. *

Think about purpose like the destination for a trip you’re planning. You know where you are when you start, but do you really know where you’re going to end up, specifically? A family vacation might head for the Grand Canyon or the Statue of Liberty… That’s pretty clear, and easy to get your mind around. And that’s exactly the kind of clarity of purpose a coaching relationship needs.

But not all coaching relationships have that clear destination in mind–especially before starting. The most effective coaches say to their client “we are going to get to where you want to go together.” That’s purpose. There’s no conversation about route–at least not at the beginning–there’s only a commitment to get where the client wants to go together.

Now how about this related equation:  Relationship + intention + _______= mentoring?

A mentor relationship comes at the process with different goals.

Reproducing skills that the mentor already has in the person being mentored is what a mentor relationship is about. A mentor might even say, “here’s where you’re going to end up when you have the skills that I have.”

In fact, most times the person being mentored doesn’t choose the destination, the route to get there, or how the relationship plays out. All of those cards are in hand of the mentor.

So let’s finish the equation like this:  relationship + intention + replication=mentoring.

There’s something useful in a line that’s been said by more than one coach trainer: “the coach draws out while a mentor pours in.”

Finally, a mentor is not any better than a coach Nor is a coach any better than a mentor. The trick is knowing when to do which one. More on this as this series of blog posts continues.

Leveraging intention in your relationships helps you make the most of what your coaching is trying to accomplish. CoachNet’s Jonathan Reitz looks at the possibilities.

http://www.coachnet.org/blog

This is a great day for anyone who wants to go on mission! You can get strategic advice for leveraging your relational network from Hugh Halter and from Jonathan Reitz. Find out more here.

http://www.coachnet.org/blog

The big challenge for a lot of coaches is asking questions that don’t just provide the coach more information, but also help the client piece together what they need to move forward.

http://www.coachnet.org/blog